In response to the NY Times’ 52 Places to Go in 2016 (which … [glances at bank balance] ha, hahahahaha … ha), I offer the following list of 27 places to go, for parents of young children:
- The public library.
- The park.
- That weird rest-stop bathroom beside the highway because the baby had beans for lunch and oh good grief, we got leakage, this is not a drill, I repeat, not a drill, just pull over, yes, right here, how is it even possi-.
- The park again.
- The zoo.
- Costco. (A father: “Look at the deal on these wipes! Seriously! That’s like, .37 cents less per wipe compared to Target! I just did the calculation on my phone! Should we be recording this moment for posterity? High fives for everybody!”).
- Anywhere that gets you out of the house after it’s been raining for five days straight. Anywhere. Even Costco.
- The park again.
- The bookstore.
- The office. So you can, you know, pay for diapers (why did no one ever tell you how much diapers cost?).
- The museum.
- The park. Again.
- That place that offers free food for kids on Tuesday nights.
- Bed. Because children don’t care what day of the week it is, breakfast is always served at 7am sharp.
- The pool.
- Vacation. (From work, not from your children. There is no vacation from your children).
- The construction site, to say goodnight (or an old house in Paris, covered with vines).
- The farmer’s market.
- The sidewalk. You can collect leaves you find and point at cool cars that go by (with or without children).
- The Island of Sodor.
- The coffee shop (drive thru).
- The backyard, by yourself, to stare into space and worry about how you will pay for a new set of tires.
- One of those terrible, germ-infested ball pits.
- The doctor.
- The park. Because it really is great. I mean: Swings. Slides. Benches.
- The biggest puddle you can find.
- Deep within yourself, in case you need a reminder that yes, you will survive, and yes, you’re going to miss all of this someday.